For the sake of discussion, let's assume that everyone has a blog, or a myspace, facebook, or something similar. What if there was a message board or bulletin board type place on your page for people to put certain types of comments... One half was for people to anonymously offer encouraging words, compliments, praises, acknowledgments, etc (I don't think anyone would have a problem with that)... but the other half... was for people to anonymously offer genuine advice/suggestions/criticisms, etc. Let's assume that people would always be genuine. Let's say that the praises/encouragements/acknowledgements could be visible to everyone, but the advice/suggestions/criticisms, etc. were only visible to you.
Would you welcome that? Or would you rather not know about those things?
I think that if I was the only one who could see them, I would welcome the anonymous input.
Almost certainly, there are things about ourselves that we live our lives thinking that people don't notice about ourselves or our personalities, or things we just don't realize about ourselves... which we ought to change/improve.
Sure, we can say that people who are in genuine relationships ought to be able to give each other sound advice, constructive criticism, etc., without causing embitterment, and that by choosing to allow an anonymous avenue for this type of input we would be choosing the safer and weaker way to receive it, and it might not be as powerful or effective...
And I agree with that, to a degree.
However, the nature of things and relationships is that, while genuine relationships ought to be able to handle these things (and should be handling them), having an anonymous avenue would cause more people to say something they would normally choose to just not say (genuine relationship or not). And I don't think these would be really "major" things. I would hope that any major issues would be brought up in person.
Possible things that might show up for people (some for me, too): "Be more positive", "Be more decisive", "Don't fear/worry so much", "Don't be afraid to laugh", "Don't beat yourself up", "Don't over-analyze", "Let your light shine", "Don't worry about what people think", "Be more considerate of others' feelings", etc. ... There are so many of these types of advice or suggestions possible, but some of them might be things that some people might not feel are important enough to bring up, given that it might hurt someone's feelings, or cause someone to treat them differently after, etc.
Why am I bringing this up? I don't know. It's just something I was thinking about the other day, and I thought I'd document it on here, and see if anyone would have anything to say about it.
Thanks for reading/thinking/sharing.
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10 comments:
I don't like confrontation and conflict. Anonymous criticism sounds more appealing than face-to-face... but I don't know that I would actually like it any more. Instead I'd be wondering "Who thinks that about me?"... "Am I really that way?" Then I would worry about it and end up asking all my friends if they thought that too (thereby eventually asking whoever left that anonymous criticism).
Ultimately, while I don't LIKE it, I'd rather just hear it face to face... assuming of course it is coming from someone I have a good relationship with. I am slowly learning to accept criticism that is given in love. I am also learning that when I have criticism for someone I love, it is okay to go to that person and talk to them rather than just stewing over it (which often creates a bigger problem).
I have seen (and had) relationships that have had serious problems from a lack of communication when someone is hurt or disagrees or has a problem. So while I don't like to communicate the "tough" stuff, I KNOW it is important and I am working on being better at it.
I think I wouldn't like feeling like I was copping out on being honest face to face by being able to be anonymous.... but it would be easier...
face to face is hard (uncomfortable, awkward), but when you don't have face to face time you can misread a tone whether it be on a page or on the phone. sometimes I think that all of this technology has its negatives. one of them being not seeing the person you are talking to and being able to read their responses in their facial expressions and body language.
something I have heard for years and will continue to repeat for years to come... "communication is the key to a successful relationship" whether that be a work relationship, a family member, a friend, a spouse. we HAVE to communicate to be able to be healthy in a relationship. God made us to speak. He didn't make us to read minds. We have to express what is on our hearts and minds for it to be known.
As for receiving advice/suggestions/criticism... we can take it or leave it. Really we should be seeking the Lord to find truth in what our friends or family are offering as wisdom. But when it is offered in love, it is often in line with the things of the Lord. We should then embrace what has been said to us and seek the Lord on how He might want us to grow through such advice/suggestions/criticisms. God places people in our lives for such a purpose. As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another. There have been many people in my life thus far to help sharpen me and oh boy am I thankful that they opened their mouths! I could be in such a worse off place had they not spoken such truths into my life! Its a good thing God has done to give us people to go through life with. We are better off after all when we communicate.
I think overall that when something important needs to be said it should be done in person. not anonymously.
I agree with parts of all three comments above, but also like the idea of some anonymous comments. It doesn't have to be negative. I think that of course anything of great importance should be talked about face to face. But...I find no harm in "light" anonymous comments or suggestions. I would welcome them. Why does it matter who says them? I think that so much can be expressed in writing...sometimes way more than if you were face to face. Again, it does not have to be negative. It can be the most wonderful thing to get a written letter from someone. Have you ever recieved a "love letter?" What about a long distance relationship? Letters can be the key to getting to know someone on a totally different level. Written words can be so expressive if you let them. Look at the Bible...written words. Now, don't get me wrong, like I said at the start, if there is a major problem then of course it would need to be talked about and not written. But who's to say that you could not start that conversation with a letter (not anonymous) and then follow up with face to face discusion? Jesse, I love reading about your thoughts. Keep them coming!
Jesse, you have great ideas.
Jesse, you are very thoughtful.
Jesse, it's okay when things don't go as planned.
Jesse, you have a big heart.
Jesse, don't be afraid to give your whole self.
Jesse, you have an amazing smile.
Jesse, what are your thoughts on these anonymous comments?
I think that, in general, we already are aware of our 'faults' and having someone point them out, would just be salt in the wound.
I think the issue goes a little deeper. I think we want anonymity because we're afraid to bring up more personal or specific advice or 'faults'. For example, "It really gets under my skin when you _______ and I wish you'd stop." What if that blank isn't a 'fault' but just part of who you are, or who I am? What if the blank was... "clap too loud." Would you want to know about that? Would you want to share that if you were the one bothered by it?
Discovering our faults is one thing, for we can go to God for that. But, asking if who we are is a nuisance to someone, is entirely different. If we don't have the guts to directly give or receive that kind word, then maybe it isn't meant to be spoken. ??
Perhaps I'm way off the mark.
Jesse, never stop pondering these kinds of questions. Far too often, we are all afraid to ask them.
I'm proud of you!
Is it just me or are some us taking these thoughts a little deep?!?
Wow! I just jumped online with Chase to get a felix update and this is great! So many thoughts and feelings. You guys are great:) I think this post has gotten the most comments of any other post Jesse has made. This has taken over the whole Felix gig, I'm sure of it. I think that by being anonymous just for these comments has freed some to say a lot more than they may have if their name had been linked to it. I enjoyed reading all of the above comments and can't wait to see what Your response is, Jess. Very cool. My mind is so full of many different thoughts. Thank you all for stimulating my brain and getting me out of my thoughts of diapers, PB & J, and matchbox cars. This is a very adult conversation and I loved reading it. So thank you all for sharing your thoughts and feelings for me to read. I needed some adult thoughts today:)
No need for me to be anonymous, It's me, Jaime, Jesse's sister:)
My response will be an additional post. Please add new comments to the post titled "Criticism, etc.". Thanks everyone!
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